Getting the Invitation: How to Reply
If a friend or colleague is getting married in Japan, the first thing that arrives in your mailbox is a formal invitation (招待状, shōtaijō). Tucked inside is a reply card (返信はがき) — a postcard already addressed back to the host, with 出席 (attending) and 欠席 (not attending) printed on it along with your name and address fields.
Reply as promptly as you can; hosts need your response to finalize seating and catering. There is also a small point of etiquette when filling it out: the postcard is pre-addressed with 行 (a plain "to") after the host's name, and you're expected to cross that out and replace it with 様. Similarly, cross out the honorific prefixes printed before your own name (such as 御 or ご) when you write your details. It looks fussy, but it's a well-known convention — many Japanese guests need a refresher on it too.
The Gift: ご祝儀 (Goshugi)
The single biggest thing to get right is the monetary gift, or ご祝儀. As a friend of the couple, the standard amount is ¥30,000, and it must be in brand-new, crisp bills — visiting a bank ahead of time to request unused notes is completely normal and expected. The money goes inside a decorated envelope called a ご祝儀袋, with your name written on the front, and it's not opened until you sign in.
Amounts should be odd numbers of ten-thousands (e.g., ¥30,000, not ¥20,000, which splits evenly and is considered less auspicious). Never bring ¥40,000 — the number 4 is read as "shi," which also means death, and it's avoided at all costs in gift-giving. For a full breakdown of amounts, envelope styles, and how to write your name, see our guide on goshugi explained for foreign guests.
One important exception: if the invitation mentions 会費制 (kaihisei), the couple is running a fixed-fee party rather than a traditional formal wedding. In that case, you do not prepare a ご祝儀 envelope at all — instead you pay a set 会費 (typically around ¥15,000–¥20,000) at the door, often handed over more casually or even by card. Bringing both would be a mistake, and bringing a full ご祝儀 to a kaihisei party is unnecessary. Read more in our kaihisei-style wedding guide before you decide what to bring.
Two rules foreigners most often get wrong: (1) ご祝儀 bills must be new and crisp, never wrinkled or pulled straight from an ATM — and never ¥40,000. (2) Men should never wear a plain black necktie with their suit; in Japan, black ties are reserved for funerals.
What to Wear
Japanese wedding dress codes are more rigid than many Western equivalents, and small missteps stand out. For women, avoid all-white outfits entirely — white is reserved for the bride alone, even as an accent color on a dress. At the same time, avoid an all-black outfit with no color at all, since that can read as mourning wear rather than celebratory attire. A formal dress in a modest cut, not too revealing at the neckline or hemline, is the safe and appropriate choice.
For men, a dark suit is standard, paired with a white tie or a light/silver tie for a festive look. As noted above, a black tie is a funeral association and should be avoided. Both men and women should steer clear of fur or animal-print accessories and clothing — these are traditionally associated with predators and death, and are considered inappropriate for a celebration.
On the Day: What to Expect
Plan to arrive early. When you reach the venue, you'll head to the reception desk (受付), where you sign the guest register and hand over your ご祝儀 envelope (or pay your 会費 if it's a kaihisei event). Many weddings assign a seating chart, so look for your name at the entrance to the hall rather than choosing your own seat.
The reception itself (披露宴, hirōen) follows a fixed, scripted program: speeches from bosses, mentors, or family; a formal toast (乾杯, kanpai) led by a senior guest, which everyone waits for before drinking; a multi-course meal; a cake-cutting moment; and 余興 — entertainment or performances, sometimes from friends of the couple, sometimes professional. It is common practice, not optional flair.
Photography is often restricted during the ceremony itself, so watch for staff cues or announcements before raising a phone or camera. As you leave, you'll typically be handed 引き出物 — a bag of gifts and favors to take home as thanks for attending. Because the schedule is long and tightly organized, leaving early without telling anyone is considered rude; if you must step out, quietly let a staff member or the couple know first.
Quick Do's and Don'ts
- Do bring exactly ¥30,000 in new bills inside a proper ご祝儀袋, unless the invitation says 会費制.
- Do reply to the 返信はがき promptly, correcting the 行/御 honorifics as you fill it in.
- Do arrive early and check in at the 受付 before finding your assigned seat.
- Do wait for the 乾杯 toast before drinking, and stay until the event formally ends.
- Don't wear all-white (bride's color) or an all-black outfit with no color at all.
- Don't wear a black necktie — it signals mourning, not celebration.
- Don't bring ¥40,000, or any ご祝儀 at all to a kaihisei-style event.
- Don't wear fur or animal-print accessories.
Japanese weddings can feel more formal and scripted than what many foreign guests are used to, but the structure is part of the charm — and once you know the handful of rules above, you can relax and enjoy the celebration. For more answers to common guest and couple questions, visit our wedding FAQ.
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